11 surefire ways to show your children that you care…

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So I recently read a Psychology Today article claiming to tell me the 11 ways that my man should show me that he loves me. And it told me that I’m very lucky to have the Stinker as he does all of the things (and more, like bringing me wine and chocolate on a Wednesday evening when I’m feeling tired and rubbish!)

But it got me to thinking about how we can show our children how much we love them, and care about them as individual human beings, in the same 11 ways:

1. Want to spend time with them. Ok so we all have to spend time with our children (especially when we’re home educating them!) but it’s about finding time and truly enjoying doing an activity with them. For example at our home ed group today one of the very musical mothers (who already runs band, recorders and drama!) decided to start a choir, which Poppet was keen (but nervous) to join. I was happy to go along with her and we really enjoyed singing a Let it Go/Happy mash up together 🙂 (Well I think I might have enjoyed it slightly more!)

2. Ask about the time you spend apart. Well at the moment that’s rare for us, but the big Ps do a few sport activities without us there and I always make a point of asking how it has gone. Whether or not I receive a coherent response is another matter because it seems as if nearly 8 is the new teenager! (Another blog to follow about that soon.)

3. Trust them. Obviously my children are not quite at the stage of hiding things from me yet but I guess when they reach their teens (or 8 – see above!) they might. I really hope that we are building the kind of relationship where they will trust me enough to share things with me and I’ll be able to trust that they will lead a, mostly, safe life.

4. Help when they need it. As parents this is a given really, but sometimes I think it is important to give the help without making a big deal out of it, without expecting any thanks, just because we want to. We are often caught up in ensuring our children grow up to be respectful with pleases and thank yous but sometimes a little bit of help, just because we want to, doesn’t need a big song and a dance to be made. I watched a lovely home ed dad helping Poppet learn to finger knit yesterday; when it clicked she was so focused on her knitting that I don’t think a thanks passed her lips, but the dad of her friend looked so pleased that she was obviously chuffed with herself, I think that was all the thanks he needed. If I had got involved and told her to say thank you I think the magic of the moment would have disappeared. (Another post on saying thank you, or not, to come soon.)

5. Show respect for their views. As the Ps get older they are starting to have more of an opinion about things. It can be all too easy to dismiss children’s views as immature or pointless, but we are really trying to bring our children up to know that they are valued and also have interesting points to share in a family discussion, and that even grown ups sometimes have a view that seems silly!

6. Include them in decisions. This follows on well from point 5. If we respect their views then we care about what they think of our choices. Sometimes as parents we just need to be able to say what we are doing or where we are going, but to allow our children to help make decisions we really show them that we care what they think. As home educators trying to be as child led and unschooling as possible, we often ask the Ps to help make decisions, the simple fact that they don’t attend school being the main one. But be warned, the results aren’t always what you hoped for (a rainy day in the garden making mud pies appeal to anyone?!)

7. Show affection. Loving physical contact is so important, in fact it is crucial for a child’s well being. As children get older the chances to show affection in this way diminish, but it is so important to continue to give them. Cuddles can also help with behaviour as author of the Positive Discipline series, Dr. Jane Nelsen explains, “Children do better when they feel better.” The Ps all love a cuddle, to the point where I often wish I had more arms, but I hope they continue to as they get older.

8. Look at them. I think all parents are guilty of not doing this one at times. We can be busy making dinner, washing up or taking time out on Facebook when a little face pops up with something really interesting (to them!) to share with us. “Oh lovely” or something similar comes out of our mouth but we don’t take the time to focus on them. I also find that if I don’t actually stop and listen properly I don’t really take in what they are saying; I’ve been known to agree to things without ever really hearing what I’ve agreed to! All jokes aside though, how does it feel when you are talking to someone who doesn’t actually engage with you? Horrible isn’t it, so if we love and respect our little people we should show them this common courtesy.

9. Talk about the past. We often share old photos and talk about what life was like when the Ps were littler. They love hearing funny stories about themselves and we enjoy sharing them. “Remember the time when…” is a common sentence starter in this house 🙂

10. Defend them. I guess this is usually a given with parenting but it’s important to let our children know that we’re in their corner. Ok we’re not always going to agree with them and the things they do but we should always have their back.

11. Make them feel good about themselves. I’d assume that by doing all of the above we will be going the right way to boosting our children’s self esteem, making them feel like worthwhile, valued human beings.

I really hope that the Ps get all of these 11 affirmations from myself and the Stinker regularly, even on a rubbish Wednesday when all I want is wine and chocolate! Thanks for loving me Stinker ❤

Let the countdown begin…

So last night I booked tickets for me and the Ps to go to Berlin to visit our lovely home ed friends who moved there this summer.

To say I’m excited would be a massive understatement! I’m also slightly apprehensive about taking the Ps on their first flight without the Stinker. But mostly I’m excited!

I was going to wait to tell the Ps until nearer the time but I just couldn’t hold the excitement in… so I told them this morning expecting shrieks and jumps, but they were so cool about it!

After I explained about the flights they started to get a bit more excited, then we looked at some pictures of the Christmas markets and the level of excitement definitely increased. When I told them we were staying with our friends the shrieking and jumping started! So we are all most excited about the same part of our trip 🙂

Let the countdown begin….

Autumn is back again…

It’s been nearly a year since I started writing my blog! Looking back I can see how much more relaxed we are at this stage in our journey. All three girls seem to be happy and the sunny days help my moods 🙂

We’ve had a great week getting properly back into our ‘routine’ and the reduced ‘timetable’ has been great, although we’ve still been hectic and the Ps are currently zoned out for Friday Film Night, giving me an hour to write this while dinner cooks itself!

Monday – Juno went to kindy again, although I’m still staying with her at the moment so didn’t get any time to focus on the big Ps but Nanny did some experiments with them so they were happy 🙂

Tuesday – We spent the morning making pizzas on a home ed trip to Pizza Express, which we then ate in the park in the sunshine. We then went to pony club for the first session back this term. It was very different without our friends there (who have moved to Germany 😦 ) but hopefully we’ll get to know the other people.

 

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Wednesday – Our usual social group had to be cancelled but a large group of us met up in the park, where Poppet still had her cornet lesson!

Thursday – We spent the day at Slimbridge, with Piccalilli’s little friend, looking for the lego creatures.

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Friday – The big Ps did tennis this morning and then we went to see friends this afternoon (with a friend each everyone played happily)

It sounds like we did no actual ‘learning’ but in amongst this we spent some time learning about fractions in creative ways and Poppet spent most mornings sewing (having decided to make Christmas presents for the whole family this year!)

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A week of days…

I know what you’re thinking and you’re right of course; every week has days – seven if we want to be precise about it. But sometimes I think it’s easy to forget that each new day can be a fresh start and we can do/be whatever we want each and every day.

I know that as adults it is harder to start afresh every day. There are things that need to happen. There are consequences of the previous day to deal with. There are plans to be made for the following day.

But children don’t see the world like us. They live for the moment. They forget about the argument you had yesterday, well yesterday! They don’t worry about what’s happening in the next hour  (as long as they’ve been fed recently!) let alone the next day.

What I’m trying to say is that for the past week I’ve been trying to get into a child’s mindset and just enjoy each day as it comes. And do you know what? I’ve enjoyed our days more for it.

I’m not worrying about trying to link all of our learning and going totally with the flow of what the Ps want to know – we’ve had an Isambard Kingdom Brunel day of designing and making bridges inspired by looking at local history films on YouTube (check out the Brunel one – it’s brilliant).

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Followed by a Roald Dahl day (#roalddahl100) designing chocolate bars (which the Ps are now keen to make!) and learning about fairtrade after Poppet asked what the symbol on the packet meant.

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We’ve managed to practise times tables in fun ways linked to the things we’ve been finding out about; bricks for bridges and sharing out chocolates – can you guess which one we enjoyed the most? !

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Pickle has been the most inspired to learn something than I’ve seen her in a long time. Poppet told me today that having special days at home was a lot more fun than going out to groups (I hope her enthusiasm continues!)

Living for each day is going well in our world 🙂

We’re back to it, with a day whittling in the woods!

Of course ‘learning’ is happening all the time, even when we take a ‘break’ over the summer but we started back to home education this week with a renewed enthusiasm all round!

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Our #notbacktoschool photo 🙂

There have been some changes in the way we’re doing things and everything is fluid and constantly altering so who knows where we’ll be tomorrow, let alone next week! But currently the plan is for the big Ps attend less groups and spend more time learning at home, but in an informal way! Piccalilli is going to be attending a Steiner kindergarten, initially for two mornings a week but this could be upped if things work out well. The time that she is at kindy will be the times that the big Ps can focus more easily on their learning projects (that’s the idea anyway!)

So, for the new ‘learning’ year (it seems funny that we still work with the school calendar, but when you have a husband working in education it seems to make sense) our plan is to focus on local history and geography with our days as follows:

Monday – Piccalilli will attend kindy. Nanny will spend the day with us so the big Ps can both have one-on-one time to do their learning projects; they will go to Beavers in the evening

Tuesday – Piccalilli will attend kindy. Me and the big Ps will either learn at home or go out for some living history/geography days with friends

Wednesday – Home ed social group. Also recorders/band (cornet!)/drama/sports groups

Thursday – A day to meet friends/go on day trips/learn at home followed by swimming lessons

Friday – tennis lesson followed by home learning/chilling! Monthly Art group

Saturday – ballet for Poppet and gymnastics for Pickle

Sunday – family day

It’s a much less full week that last term, but the Ps have requested not to attend as many groups. I’m hoping that we will have enough going on to keep them busy and entertained but we’ll see! We can always add some more activities if needs be…

Our closest home ed friends, who we used to see at least once a week, have sadly moved to Berlin over the summer. There are lots of other lovely people that we enjoy spending time with so hopefully we’ll have plenty of social activities to attend. I don’t really know why I’m worrying. Yesterday we spent the day at Westonbirt with friends, where the Ps had a great time den building and whittling (now they are  requesting their own penknives!). Today we are meeting with a large group of home edders for a ‘not back to school’ play in the park and picnic 🙂

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Whittling in the woods at Westonbirt!

At the moment I’m enthusiastic and clear on the way we are doing things (child led with some adult input to direct their learning) so hope this remains until half term – wish me luck!

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The obligatory silly faces shot 😉