11 surefire ways to show your children that you care…

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So I recently read a Psychology Today article claiming to tell me the 11 ways that my man should show me that he loves me. And it told me that I’m very lucky to have the Stinker as he does all of the things (and more, like bringing me wine and chocolate on a Wednesday evening when I’m feeling tired and rubbish!)

But it got me to thinking about how we can show our children how much we love them, and care about them as individual human beings, in the same 11 ways:

1. Want to spend time with them. Ok so we all have to spend time with our children (especially when we’re home educating them!) but it’s about finding time and truly enjoying doing an activity with them. For example at our home ed group today one of the very musical mothers (who already runs band, recorders and drama!) decided to start a choir, which Poppet was keen (but nervous) to join. I was happy to go along with her and we really enjoyed singing a Let it Go/Happy mash up together 🙂 (Well I think I might have enjoyed it slightly more!)

2. Ask about the time you spend apart. Well at the moment that’s rare for us, but the big Ps do a few sport activities without us there and I always make a point of asking how it has gone. Whether or not I receive a coherent response is another matter because it seems as if nearly 8 is the new teenager! (Another blog to follow about that soon.)

3. Trust them. Obviously my children are not quite at the stage of hiding things from me yet but I guess when they reach their teens (or 8 – see above!) they might. I really hope that we are building the kind of relationship where they will trust me enough to share things with me and I’ll be able to trust that they will lead a, mostly, safe life.

4. Help when they need it. As parents this is a given really, but sometimes I think it is important to give the help without making a big deal out of it, without expecting any thanks, just because we want to. We are often caught up in ensuring our children grow up to be respectful with pleases and thank yous but sometimes a little bit of help, just because we want to, doesn’t need a big song and a dance to be made. I watched a lovely home ed dad helping Poppet learn to finger knit yesterday; when it clicked she was so focused on her knitting that I don’t think a thanks passed her lips, but the dad of her friend looked so pleased that she was obviously chuffed with herself, I think that was all the thanks he needed. If I had got involved and told her to say thank you I think the magic of the moment would have disappeared. (Another post on saying thank you, or not, to come soon.)

5. Show respect for their views. As the Ps get older they are starting to have more of an opinion about things. It can be all too easy to dismiss children’s views as immature or pointless, but we are really trying to bring our children up to know that they are valued and also have interesting points to share in a family discussion, and that even grown ups sometimes have a view that seems silly!

6. Include them in decisions. This follows on well from point 5. If we respect their views then we care about what they think of our choices. Sometimes as parents we just need to be able to say what we are doing or where we are going, but to allow our children to help make decisions we really show them that we care what they think. As home educators trying to be as child led and unschooling as possible, we often ask the Ps to help make decisions, the simple fact that they don’t attend school being the main one. But be warned, the results aren’t always what you hoped for (a rainy day in the garden making mud pies appeal to anyone?!)

7. Show affection. Loving physical contact is so important, in fact it is crucial for a child’s well being. As children get older the chances to show affection in this way diminish, but it is so important to continue to give them. Cuddles can also help with behaviour as author of the Positive Discipline series, Dr. Jane Nelsen explains, “Children do better when they feel better.” The Ps all love a cuddle, to the point where I often wish I had more arms, but I hope they continue to as they get older.

8. Look at them. I think all parents are guilty of not doing this one at times. We can be busy making dinner, washing up or taking time out on Facebook when a little face pops up with something really interesting (to them!) to share with us. “Oh lovely” or something similar comes out of our mouth but we don’t take the time to focus on them. I also find that if I don’t actually stop and listen properly I don’t really take in what they are saying; I’ve been known to agree to things without ever really hearing what I’ve agreed to! All jokes aside though, how does it feel when you are talking to someone who doesn’t actually engage with you? Horrible isn’t it, so if we love and respect our little people we should show them this common courtesy.

9. Talk about the past. We often share old photos and talk about what life was like when the Ps were littler. They love hearing funny stories about themselves and we enjoy sharing them. “Remember the time when…” is a common sentence starter in this house 🙂

10. Defend them. I guess this is usually a given with parenting but it’s important to let our children know that we’re in their corner. Ok we’re not always going to agree with them and the things they do but we should always have their back.

11. Make them feel good about themselves. I’d assume that by doing all of the above we will be going the right way to boosting our children’s self esteem, making them feel like worthwhile, valued human beings.

I really hope that the Ps get all of these 11 affirmations from myself and the Stinker regularly, even on a rubbish Wednesday when all I want is wine and chocolate! Thanks for loving me Stinker ❤

Blood, Blogs and Brownies :)

This week is my chance to have a break as the Stinker is off work. But, of course, I’ve packed it almost completely with trips away and activities to keep the Ps busy!

After a fun-filled, hectic long weekend away with family and friends, I was quite glad when today brought minging weather and an excuse to just stay at home for the day.

I spent the morning painting (Our whole house needs an update so still loads to do!) while the Stinker amused the Ps with retro computer games! It all ended in tears when Poppet pushed a chair into Pickle and split her eyelid open – apparently blood everywhere but I was luckily in the shower so missed the whole event! Luckily it had stopped bleeding by the time I got downstairs (after being screamed at hysterically by Poppet that I was needed – cue end of relaxing shower!) so I still managed to get out of the house to do some shopping and sitting in our local cafe on my own…

… almost.

I knew I would see someone I knew, as that’s what happens when you live in a tiny town, but I was lucky that the person I bumped into was a good friend (and actually the friend who had given me the voucher for the cafe as a birthday present last month!) So we enjoyed a cuppa and catch up together and when she and her daughter left I had another cuppa and a yummy piece of gluten free raspberry chocolate brownie – yummy 🙂

I enjoyed just sitting quietly (while other people had to deal with their children), thinking about friends and family and our current journey in life. I doodled a bit and made a few notes relating to my plans to start another blog. But mainly I just drank tea, ate cake and relaxed.

I returned home to a very relaxed scene (all watching a film), so left them to it and made dinner. It’s been a very relaxed day, despite the ‘Attack of the Poppet’ incident, and I hope we can have a few more days like it before the Stinker goes back to work next week!

 

New Year, New Challenges…

I don’t often bother with resolutions as it feels like setting yourself up for a fall! I do like to set myself little challenges though so have given myself a few challenges for the next few months.

  1. Mindfulness – The lovely Stinker gave me a beautiful colouring book for Christmas. I plan on using this regularly and doing lots of colouring and relaxation with the 3Ps
  2. Meat-free – We have decided to avoid buying meat throughout January for a few reasons including the high cost of good quality meat. I’m not at all daunted by this as I’m not really bothered about meat, although I might miss bacon! I have a feeling this challenge will extend further than January…
  3. Dry January and February – I read recently that unless you’re an alcoholic it’s pointless having dry months, but I think this is a silly statement to make. We are doing it for health reasons (to lose a few excess kilograms!) and to save money.
  4. To write another blog – Don’t worry I plan on continuing to write this one on a personal level but I am thinking of writing one giving advice about different aspects of home education and healthy living… I’ll keep you posted as to how I get on!

Feeling thankful…

If you’re American you are probably celebrating Thanksgiving today and although this tradition is not part of our culture I am still feeling thankful today for:

  • The Stinker – I spent my morning out shopping while he was at work… It doesn’t seem fair, but it’s the lifestyle we’ve chosen to make our lives happier for now (not me shopping all the time I hasten to add!) I’m thankful that he’s happy to support me and the Ps in every way possible.
  • My parents – I’ve said it before (in Mum’s the Word…) but if it wasn’t for my mum and dad we, literally, wouldn’t have the life we have now. They help us out in so many ways and we are eternally grateful for their support and guidance.
  • My big blister – As I’m sure is the case with all sisters, we have gone through stages where we weren’t close, but my sister is my best friend and I trust her implicitly ~ she would be the one, along with her lovely husband Uncle Big Dan, to become the Ps guardians if the need were ever to arise; in the meantime we really appreciate the time they give to them, and us! (We had a lovely surprise visit from her today when she was extremely lucky to meet Father Christmas and Rudolph!)
  • Extended family – As I’ve said before, I’m lucky to have a small close family and we love spending time with Grauntie Jane, Gruncle Jim and cousins Marie and Joe. Their time and support over the years have also helped us to get where we are and I have many happy memories of the younger me having lots of fun with my lovely cousins 🙂
  • Old friends – Today I spent the morning catching up with an old friend (not old old, but you know ‘old’!) Despite moving away from each other (we used to live one street apart and now it’s close to 45 minutes) we try to meet up as much as possible at our halfway point – shopping, cuppa and cake anyone?! Don’t mind if I do! Old friends are so important – they know you from a time before and it’s always good to reconnect with that old you and to share fantastic memories with fantastic people. Last weekend I also saw some old friends and despite the conversations being interrupted often, by the children who now outnumber us, it was just nice to spend a few hours in their company.
  • New friends – Over the five years since we left the city to live in the country I feel lucky to have made lots of lovely friends through different areas of life: dancing and exercise, craft groups, baby and toddler groups, school, home ed groups, neighbours and now blogging! I’m very thankful for the friendship and help of these lovelies in many different ways over the years: from childcare to the loan of a wheelbarrow to the delivery of some 3p sweetcorn (you know who you are!)
  • The Ps – They are all I ever wanted (as I wrote about in Stop, I want to get off!) and despite the challenges they bring, I am so thankful to have them, and their bonkers ways, in my life.

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So today I have been thinking about all of the wonderful people who enrich our lives, therefore this post is dedicated to everyone who knows me – thank you 🙂

Weekly Review!

Today has been a hectic day of going to a baptism, followed by afternoon tea and then fish and chips at a friends house with the 3 Ps. The Stinker stayed home to play footie, but didn’t ’cause it was called off, so did jobs around the house! I’m exhausted so I thought I’d follow in my friend at Too Long Didn’t Write‘s footsteps (who is also doing the 30 Day Challenge of writing daily) and give you a round-up of my week…

So  Last Sunday it was all about how our lives seem to be going in Different Directions more and more these days, with Poppet heading off to Beaver camp while the Stinker spent time with Pickle and I spent time with Piccalilli.

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On Monday I reflected on Piccalilli’s language development in Language of love or hate?! and considered the need to begin assessing kids so young!

On Tuesday we had another visit to the fab museums in the city (Adventures in the City Take 2!) which thankfully went to plan with no illness or accidents 🙂

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Wednesday was all about thanking my wonderful mum for all her help over the years, in Mum’s the Word…

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On Thursday I enjoyed thinking about how I’m Feeling the love again… with teaching.

Yesterday was fantastic Forest School Friday… so I shared my thoughts on the importance of rewilding.

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I hope you’re enjoying my ramblings as much as I’m enjoying writing them (most days!!)

 

Adventures in the City Take 2!

After our previous visit to the City Museum going horribly wrong (see Good days, Bad days), we thought it was time to give it another go!

So today we headed into the city (in the car this time, just in case!) to visit the Folk Museum with our home ed friends. We arrived with no dramas and had the whole museum to ourselves – despite it officially being closed they still take educational visits, which officially we are!

20151117_113303 (2)As soon as we entered the door, the big Ps were whisked off by their friends to the very top of the beautiful Tudor building. After following them up slightly more slowly, to marvel at the amazing wooden structure, my friend and I sat (on a flight of stairs), observed and chatted. Initially the big girls wanted our attention – something they are all used to having fully in both our home ed households – but they soon organised themselves into a fantastic game of dressing up and playing home in the Tudor times! Piccalilli played around us with toy animals and food, occasionally requesting our input, mainly to retrieve an animal that had been borrowed by a bigger girl!

We laughed lots about the teaching and learning that was happening on our educational visit! Seriously though, I do think the girls all got a sense of what clothes and beds were like in the Tudor times 🙂

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We headed downstairs for some lunch, followed by some chocolate biscuit treats, followed almost immediately by five hyperactive girls… The rain had stopped so it was definitely time for a play and run around in the garden. More learning took place – playing with Victorian style toys, hiding in the Anderson shelter and discussing why the word ‘shop’ was spelled ‘shoppe’. We’ve covered so many eras today and we didn’t even make it into the retro rooms at the museum (so we’ll be heading back in a few weeks for a further educational visit!)

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Everything was going so well until tidy-up time, when Poppet decided that, as the oldest child, she should be in charge (as the photo above captures so well!) and so didn’t like it when Pickle started to put things in the wrong place in the shed! We heard a lot of screaming and their friends exited the shed very promptly with worried looks on their faces and it turned out that Poppet had punched Pickle (a regular occurrence at the moment sadly). Time to go home…

… But thankfully a less stressful experience than our previous visit and we’ll definitely be going again soon 🙂

 

No words…

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Following the atrocities yesterday in Paris, I feel that any ramblings from me are completely irrelevant.

Therefore I leave you with this simple thought:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I wish you all a peaceful life wherever you are and whatever your beliefs…