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When ‘Me time’ results in punishment -7 tips to help prepare children when you go away.

~ lornafowkes ~ Leave a comment

I was lucky enough to have five days of ‘Me time’ in Malta a few weeks ago… Since returning I’ve been ill, hence the delay in writing. I’ve also been punished for going away!

I went to Malta with my sister, where we stayed with our Auntie and Uncle (who spend some of the year living over there – lucky them!) We had the most fantastic 5 days, mainly just chilling out and enjoying the sunshine, with a Music Festival and Spa Day thrown in 🙂

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Photos courtesy of my big sis – ta Krusty 🙂

Coming home was bittersweet – of course I’d missed everyone, but I could have happily stayed in the warm, slow-paced world for a bit longer. The Stinker surprised me by bringing the Ps to the airport to meet me. Seeing their little faces when I came through the Arrivals gate and I immediately burst into tears! (Cue lots of cooing from the onlookers) Hearing their voices again set me off again; Piccalilli sounded so grown up – how does that happen in such a short period of time?!

We sat and had a welcome home drink (tea of course!) before everyone needed the loo and I was back in Mummy-mode and ushering the Ps in the right direction. In her excitement (well, her usual state!) Pickle ran round the corner and cracked her head on the corner of the Coffee Shop counter (a sharp, marble corner at that). Mummy-mode went to the next level when I noticed the blood gushing out of her head. To cut a long story short, the First Aid and Health and Safety team at Bristol Airport were fantastic and we left about half an hour later thankfully without needing a hospital trip (it was just another knock to the head so it might sort Pickle out?!)

The journey home was lovely and everyone was telling me about the great things they’d been doing with Nanny and Daddy, and enjoyed listening to some of the things I’d seen and done in Malta.

Now, I’m sure most of the parents reading this will recognise this scenario…

The following day the punishment began! The Stinker was in work so we were back to a usual home ed day. Well, everytime I asked anyone to help out with anything you’d think I’d asked them to jump off the building! Everything I offered was not what they wanted. Whenever I tried to comfort them I was pushed away. I had known this could happen from previous trips away and the reading I had done, but I didn’t expect the resentment to be so bad!

When the Stinker came home from work you’d have thought he’d been the one who had been away for five days from the welcome he received! Luckily I was expecting this, but it was still a bit upsetting when Piccalilli wouldn’t let me near her 😦

I guess it took about five days (so the length of time I’d been away) for things to return to normal, but the main thing I had to do was not push them while letting them know I was there for them and not planning on going anywhere else.

I know that Piccalilli is still a little worried that I might go away again after an interesting conversation this week, when I was going to vote:

“Mummy, don’t go away”

“I’m not going anywhere”

“But you said you were going to a boat.”

Every family is different, but here are some ideas to make a trip away, without the little people, run smoothly:

  1. Prepare them for the fact that you will be away for a short time, but don’t tell them too far in advance of the trip. I told the Ps a couple of weeks before I was going, despite the fact that I’d known for months. “Warning children 3 years old and younger too far ahead of time does not help them, especially if the focus is on talking about the parent being gone and for how long,” says Julia Heberle, an associate professor of psychology at Albright College in Reading, Pa., and a developmental psychologist. “Children this age have barely mastered time vocabulary, so ‘tomorrow’ can just mean ‘not now,’ or ‘forever away.’ ”
  2. Make home sound more exciting than your trip – I made sure I talked a lot about the fact that Nanny was coming for a sleepover and all of the exciting things they would be doing with her and Daddy while I was away missing out!
  3. Follow their lead and only talk about the trip if they raise the subject. Poppet wanted to know what I’d be doing while I was there, Pickle wanted to help me to pack my case, whereas with Piccalilli it seemed the best option to not discuss it too much!
  4. Keep Goodbyes short and sweet (but always say them and reassure that you are coming home). I was lucky in that I left home at 3am so my proper goodbyes were said at bedtime (although I did sneak kisses and cuddles before I left the house!)
  5. Leave or send little love reminders. Whether you leave notes, a special toy or secret messages on the bathroom mirror or send messages and photos, make sure your children know you will be thinking of them while you are away. I knew that my phoning would have upset the Ps but I still sent photo messages so that they knew what I was getting up to (and I also received photos of them!)
  6. Keep everything as normal as possible at home. This can be hard to do, but it minimises their stress levels. Even though my mom helps out weekly with the Ps, I still left her a run down of the days. I know that Pickle struggled while I was away, but think this would have been even worse if her routine had disappeared too.
  7. Be prepared to be punished when you return! It’s natural to be angry when you love being with someone and they have left. Sometimes children don’t understand how to verbalise their anger at your having gone. If your child ignores you when you come back, you could say something like, “It’s ok to be angry with me for going away. I will always love you.” ❤

 

 

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Am I going to survive if I have to spend one more day answering random questions?!!

~ lornafowkes ~ Leave a comment

Are we doing the right thing?

Are they learning anything?

Will they succeed in life without having gone through the education system?

Am I going to survive if I have to spend one more day answering random questions?!!

These are just some of the questions I ask myself on a regular basis. As much as I know that (in the current education climate) we are doing the best thing for our family, it is still a radical decision to go against the norm. I’m not saying we’re radical (and maybe that makes it a bit harder still), but to choose to do something different is definitely seen as a bit radical or alternative.

Today has been a tough day. Piccalilli was ill yesterday meaning we had to cancel yesterday and today’s plans (which I’d thankfully not told the big Ps about), meaning I have not had a chance to unwind and chat to adults! The Stinker was late home last night meaning I had to do the whole bedtime routine alone (I know lots of people do regularly!) and also had less time with him to relax.

I’m feeling the need for a bit of me time and the weekend can’t come round soon enough – I’m actually off into the city with a friend for lunch and a museum trip 🙂

The thing is I know my questions will probably not be answered anytime soon:

Are we doing the right thing? We hope and really believe we are but there are probably many ‘right’ ways of doing things on a spectrum. We’ve hopefully chosen the best-fit for us at the moment.

Are they learning anything? Well I like to think that they will learn through life and any extra little snippets I can provide them are a bonus!

Will they succeed in life having not gone through the education system? Again I like to think that there are many ways of succeeding and academically is not the only way. Saying that, many home educated young people go onto university and achieve much in their lives apart from academic qualifications.

Am I going to survive if I have to spend one more day answering random questions?!! Let’s hope so as the majority of them come from my own brain!

Wish me luck!

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Blood, Blogs and Brownies :)

~ lornafowkes ~ 4 Comments

This week is my chance to have a break as the Stinker is off work. But, of course, I’ve packed it almost completely with trips away and activities to keep the Ps busy!

After a fun-filled, hectic long weekend away with family and friends, I was quite glad when today brought minging weather and an excuse to just stay at home for the day.

I spent the morning painting (Our whole house needs an update so still loads to do!) while the Stinker amused the Ps with retro computer games! It all ended in tears when Poppet pushed a chair into Pickle and split her eyelid open – apparently blood everywhere but I was luckily in the shower so missed the whole event! Luckily it had stopped bleeding by the time I got downstairs (after being screamed at hysterically by Poppet that I was needed – cue end of relaxing shower!) so I still managed to get out of the house to do some shopping and sitting in our local cafe on my own…

… almost.

I knew I would see someone I knew, as that’s what happens when you live in a tiny town, but I was lucky that the person I bumped into was a good friend (and actually the friend who had given me the voucher for the cafe as a birthday present last month!) So we enjoyed a cuppa and catch up together and when she and her daughter left I had another cuppa and a yummy piece of gluten free raspberry chocolate brownie – yummy 🙂

I enjoyed just sitting quietly (while other people had to deal with their children), thinking about friends and family and our current journey in life. I doodled a bit and made a few notes relating to my plans to start another blog. But mainly I just drank tea, ate cake and relaxed.

I returned home to a very relaxed scene (all watching a film), so left them to it and made dinner. It’s been a very relaxed day, despite the ‘Attack of the Poppet’ incident, and I hope we can have a few more days like it before the Stinker goes back to work next week!

 

Holiday Happiness…

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So, for us Christmas was over on Sunday – the big girls went to the Panto with their Nanny and Daioo (Granddad) and while little Piccalilli slept, the Stinker and I took down the decorations and tree (which was practically bare by the time we’d pulled everything off, so it’s a good job Christmas is done for another year!). Since, Piccalilli occasionally disappears off and returns to tell me that the Reindeer had gone – this has bothered her more than anything else as he was filled with chocolate coins most days by our Elf! I love the Christmas break, but I’m also happy when the house gets back to some level of normality… Saying that, I don’t enjoy the holiday coming to an end!

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I love holidays mainly because we get to have the Stinker around more (the biggest bonus of him still working as a teacher!) and relax together. It’s definitely not all smiles and happiness though… So here is my roundup of the highs and lows of Christmas and New Year 2015-2016:

Highs

  • Piccalilli’s enjoyment of the whole Christmas period – she’s the perfect age for the magical moments and watching her little face light up every time she realised that more chocolate coins had been delivered really made my day many times!
  • Lazy mornings in bed – ok, so as we home ed we often have slow mornings but these are always missing the Stinker who leaves early for work. So lazy mornings with all of us present are lovely.
  • Quality time with extended family – we see some members of our family often but to spend quality time chatting, playing games, and just being together is great.
  • Three happy little girls – well, they weren’t happy all the time (see Lows below!!) but on the whole they enjoyed the excitement of Christmas and the lovely presents they received.
  • Feeling proud – Poppet made us very proud on a couple of occasions. Firstly she played her recorder and cornet (both of which she’s only been learning for a few months) in a concert with the home ed band she is a part of. Secondly she sewed us all Christmas presents – I became an emotional wreck and cried when I opened the pillow she’d made for me!! I’m expecting floods of tears next Christmas when she makes me something even more intricate with the sewing machine she got from Father Christmas 🙂
  • Laughing lots – Pickle is turning into a fantastic comedienne and often has us in stitches. Her little impromptu sketches can be hilarious and I particularly love watching Poppet and Piccalilli laughing uncontrollably at her!
  • Theatre trips – we were very lucky to be taken to see Annie (thank you Auntie Krusty and Uncle Big Dan!), which was amazing, although the constant singing of Annie songs since is starting to grate on me (and I can’t get them out of my head!). The big Ps also had their annual Panto trip with Nanny and Daioo which they always love 🙂

Lows

  • The weather! It would have been lovely if it had snowed, or even just stayed dry – the rain really does make things more difficult, although we did still get out as much as possible and the New Year’s Day walk was great fun, especially when the big Ps (who had not been getting on well for a few days!) decided to roll in the mud.
  • The bickering – I know it’s normal and I live with it daily but I do wish they’d stop during the holidays!
  • The trip to Hospital – luckily nothing major but of course I felt awful because it had been me who had opened the door and trapped Pickle’s finger in the hinge ripping her nail half off (but her fault really for standing behind the door to have a strop!)
  • The end – as I said earlier, I really don’t like it when holiday times come to an end 😦

Time apart, time together

~ lornafowkes ~ 2 Comments

Today has been mostly about chilling with Piccalilli while the Stinker entertained Poppet and Pickle.

This morning I took Piccalilli swimming, something she loves doing but doesn’t get to do very often. Bless her, she has to go to the swimming pool twice a week to watch her sisters’ lessons and always asks if she can get in but the answer always has to be no!

So this morning when I asked her if she’d like to go swimming her little face lit up. “With my minion ring?” she asked!

We had a lovely time dancing, splashing and jumping in; it was great to spend time with just her, something I rarely get to do since we started home educating.

The big Ps had a great time with the Stinker – cinema followed by watching his football team (as he’s currently injured he has a supporting role).

We all got back together late afternoon feeling refreshed – we enjoyed using clay to make diya lamps for Diwali and poppies for Remembrance Day; we watched a puppet show in the big Ps bedroom (with tickets and interval but sadly no ice creams!); basically we enjoyed each others company, which after One of those days cheered me up no end!

Sometimes it’s good to have time apart – it makes the time together better ♥

One of those days…

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It really has been one of those days… You know the ones where everyone is at each other and nothing goes right?

It started with me waking up exhausted… how does THAT happen? The two big Ps woke up getting at each other and the little P woke up whinging. The Stinker left for work as usual but,  following a request from Pickle, had left the Lego box out on the dining room table… Most days this wouldn’t be a problem but today it riled me! It scuppered my plans to get loads of learning activities done in the morning while it rained and I ended up looking like the evil parent (as usual!) when I asked if we could hold off Lego until we’d finished something we’d started yesterday.

The day didn’t improve. That’s not to say it was all bad – we spent a lovely hour in the garden raking leaves and playing with water (it is unseasonably warm right now!) – but on the whole we all wound each other up!

As soon as the Stinker got home I requested a pass to get out for a few hours. Of course he didn’t mind, but the problem with living in the back of beyond is that there is nowhere open (apart from pubs and as I’m off booze and feeling in need of a gin and tonic it didn’t seem like a good place to go! 30 Day Challenges)

So I got in the car and I’m currently sitting in the coolest motorway services ever! You think I’m joking but no, these services are relatively new and only sell local produce and just have a really cool Artisan feel to them… I plan on coming back often!! (Check it out!)

I’ve been drinking tea, eating chocolate brownie and reading a crappy magazine. But mostly I’ve been reflecting…

I realise that the reason today went wrong was completely down to my inflexibility, which is quite ironic considering I wrote yesterday how the best thing about home ed is the flexibility (A ‘Typical’ Day…).

So I’m feeling ready to return home and give everyone big kisses and cuddles and apologise for being a grump!

Now and Then…

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This week is half term in these parts. Of course this makes no real difference in a home-schooling household – the only difference here is that the Stinker is also home for the week, taking the pressure off me slightly. It means I can spend some quality time with all three of my girls separately. But most of all it means I can spend some quality time with… me!

As I wrote about in Stop, I want to get off! there are some days when I feel like screaming this and having a break. But then I actually get to spend some time alone and it’s not long before I miss everyone.

About a month ago (when we first started home schooling Pickle as well as Poppet) I was desperate for some time off. I actually went through my Facebook friends (it’s a good way to ensure you don’t forget anyone!) to find out how many people I know without children. I was craving some time as the ‘me’ pre-kids.

So, when I realised I had less than a handful of child-free friends I was slightly shocked; it was also a wake up call to the fact that I should stop moaning and be grateful for what I have (as most of the child-free friends would rather like some – have mine!).

After our weekend away, as good as it was, I can’t help thinking about the things I really don’t miss about my pre-kid life:

  • The most obvious is the longing feeling that was always within me – even when I was in my early 20s enjoying singledom, I still desired more.
  • As much as I enjoyed spending time socialising with friends I’ve never been one for small-talk, so I really don’t miss the nights out at noisy pubs trying to shout over the music to be heard by someone you’re really not interested in!
  • Drinking… Last weekend the Stinker and I had a few drinks (he got drunk; I know my limits but definitely drank more than the usual couple of glasses of wine at home). I don’t miss feeling drunk or the costs involved!
  • I love peace and quiet (and certainly crave it at times!) but having it all the time can become quite lonesome. I’ve never been keen on tv (Back to Basics) but I often used to have it on just for background noise – I don’t miss crappy soaps!
  • Worrying about what people think – I’ve always been a bit of a worrier but the more settled I become in my life the less I worry!

So this week I am mostly feeling thankful for what I have 🙂